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| FEMININE (& MASCULINE) RELATIONSHIPS Nurturing, Awakening and Healing Relationships
Joan Heartfield, Ph.D., and her husband Tomas Heartfield, C.T.E. are innovators in the Art of Relationship. They are the creators of Conversations That Matter, Opening to Love Ceremonies, and Romancing the Beloved. They write a weekly Talking Hearts column on relationship issues and their book, Romancing The Beloved. Unique in their approach, Tomas and Joan bring fresh insight into what creates a beloved relationship.
A counselor and guide for over 25 years, Joan brings a loving heart in combination with a profound wit to the consciousness of her work. Her transmission around relationship inspires and awakens others to what is possible. In addition to her Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology, Joan has an MFA in Dance, Drama and Theatre. She brings an integrated, joyful and radiantly alive presence into her workshops, classes, seminars and private practice. Joan has helped thousands of people find deeper meaning and aliveness in their own search for wholeness in a challenging world Tomas is a workshop leader, counselor and love coach. He has a thirty-five year background in education, Taoist and Tantric sexuality, men’s work, herbal knowledge, anti-aging, horticulture, massage and the healing arts. He shares cutting edge technology that brings more energy and life force into the creative process. Since 1996 Tomas has been leading workshops with his beloved wife Joan that help men and women connect on levels that provide deeply rewarding relationships. In their workshops, Tomas and Joan show participants how to access a quality of energy that takes the struggle out of relationships. They help couples and singles enhance their ability to create and maintain high level relationships.
Romancing the Beloved 
Love is stalking us with every breath we take. Our relationship with love is at the core of everything we experience. It is there waiting for us in each unique moment. Meeting love is an act of courage as well as a blessing. Keeping love alive requires more than a few blessings. It requires an awareness of how very fragile love is. Every thought, word and gesture either makes love grow, or dims its brightness.
The Five Foundations of a Deeply Loving Relationship
© Enhanced Intimacy © Compassionate Communication © Enlightened Sexuality © Connection to Source © Fulfillment of Life Purpose
Tomas and Joan have been researching the purpose of relationship with each other with great enthusiasm for 12 years now. Our research in the field of our hearts has given us a lot of data on what it takes to go the distance and create a life worth living.
Our personal and work lives are highly interactive and are a blending of what we ourselves have found effective. We live what we teach. We continue to evolve as we find what works and implement it in our lives. Who We Serve We serve both singles and couples. For many years our work has given the singles community an opportunity to discover what it takes to find love and nurture its growth. Through our Conversations that Matter and Opening to Love Ceremonies we have helped thousands create loving relationships, heal from past trauma and create meaningful relationship. We also counsel individuals in life goals clarification, sexual wounding and trauma, and removing blocks to deeper intimacy. Our couples Romancing the Beloved weekends have been created to give couples an opportunity to take their loving relationship to the highest levels. Couples discover how to communicate more effectively, how to become better lovers and how to create a relationship filled with Spirit. They leave with fresh energy, insight, deepened intimacy and commitment.
Tomas and Joan are core staff for the Divine Feminine Certification Trainings. The sacred teachings of Tantra, Tao and Spiritual Psychology are woven together into a complete curriculum that provides powerful support for illuminated understanding. See www.divine-feminine.com for details. Tomas created the Awakened Masculine Weekends for men to harmonize their sexual energies with their purpose. Using Taoist and Tantric disciplines Tomas guides men into the refinement of these energies to create deeper intimacy and love in their relationships. See www.awakened-masculine.com for details.
Romancing The Beloved, A Sacred Sexual Adventure Into Love 
by Joan Heartfield, Ph.D. Unbeknownst to me, I had a stranglehold on my emotions, when it came to my fifteen-year relationship. Spiritual seeking had been my way to circumnavigate the discomfort in my life. My idea of spirituality was disconnected from intimacy, sexuality or true emotional maturity. In one blazing moment, all this changed and a new possibility was shown to me. The Beloved, the mythical aspect of love itself, revealed itself through a stranger and shattered my idea of who I thought I was. This life-changing experience swept away all that was familiar and showed me how to surrender to the passionate woman that I am. ~ Joan Sage Advice-Clear Answers to Relationship Challenges by Tomas & Joan Heartfield, Ph.D. 
This book is a unique and real approach to assisting people in solving the problems inherent in many relationships today. It covers most of the issues couples have. They are grouped by category and include: dating, communication, intimacy, sexuality, jealousy, physical and verbal abuse, power and control issues, stress, changes in relationship, respect and self-worth, as well as how to nurture love, happiness and bliss.
Working with real questions from their syndicated newspaper column “Talking Hearts”, Joan and Tomas creatively and powerfully address the most daunting problems challenging relationships today. Relationship problems can be solved with awareness, intention, willingness, consideration and skill. They share these skills in bite size chunks woven into each article. Using humor, compassion and a lifetime of assisting others, they show very clearly how to develop the proficiency you need to keep love alive and growing.
Talking Hearts The road to peace and clarity can be dramatic. Powerful emotions erupt when we feel scared, angry or sad. We have a choice to act out our feelings with high drama – or ask ourselves, “What is needed here?” We find answers – our highest options – in our hearts. The heart is an authentic organ of intelligence. Much of our work is about how to access the quiet, tranquil brilliance hidden here. Through our hearts we feel our connection to life, love and compassion. Here are a few samples of the hundreds of newspaper columns we have written.
Bring Back The Passion Q. I love my husband very much but he seems to have lost interest in me. This is painful, and I don’t know how to handle it. What can I do to bring back the passion? Passion waxes and wanes with most couples. To keep a relationship juicy you must first keep yourself stimulated and happy. Are you doing things for yourself that make you interesting? Are you growing and learning new things? Are you happy with your body, mind and soul? Are you fascinated by something in life that makes your spirit sing? If you are not happy with yourself or life, your husband will sense this and mirror it back to you. Also, do you and your husband do things that bring you together having fun? Passion comes from being loving with each other and sharing things that inspire you both. Sit down with your husband and tell him you love him and you miss the passion between you. Ask him frankly to tell you what he needs to bring the passion back. Plan some things together that excite you both. Also, find the passion in your life that will keep you stimulated and excited about life. Make sure you do things to keep yourself healthy and fit, growing intellectually, and feeling good. Fear of Hurt in Relationship
Q. It has been a long time since Ive been in relationship. I want one, but Im afraid to be hurt again. How do I begin?
We experience feelings that give us information about ourselves and how close we really do want to get to another. If you approach relationships (with everyone) with awareness, you will notice how you are being treated. You can move at your own pace. Dont let anyone pressure you to do anything you dont feel 100% good about. Get to know the person first, perhaps even before you become sexually intimate. Find out who the person is, if they have the qualities you want in your daily life. Find out if there is a fit. Do you both enjoy similar things, or are you each willing to learn new things so you can play together? Also know that the person you are getting to know has most likely also experienced feeling hurt, and may have similar fears. As you feel safe, you can share more about yourself, and open more of your heart. The truth is, no one is immune from hurt. The best protection against hurt is to allow it. The hurt, believe it or not, is for a purpose. Feel the hurt. Cry it out. Learn the lesson the pain is there to teach you. And make better and better choices in your life. One thing I suggest is to write down the qualities you want in a relationship. See if you have those qualities, and work on polishing them. The person you attract will then be attracted to those qualities in you. See those qualities in people around you, and appreciate them. Notice you are attracting more and more people in your life with the qualities you want in your life. One day you will likely attract to you a Beloved that reflects these qualities. If you are willing to BE all that you WANT, you are on the path to the conscious loving relationship your heart hungers for. Need For Better Communication Q. I have been in relationship for a few years now with a wonderful man, but our communication is not all it could be. I have suggested we go to a class, or get some private counseling, but he is resistant. I think he feels it means something is wrong with him. I just know our relationship could be better if we could communicate more effectively. Any suggestions? More and more people are realizing that getting help with communication skills means a better chance at having the best possible relationship. Our society has not traditionally taught us skills in this area. We were taught to debate, which means who can get their point across best , and win. We learned by watching our parents communicate, and too often we learned to either argue, or be silent and withdraw. Learning to communicate well is an art form. In good communication you listen carefully, and ask questions with the intention of better understanding your partner and his/her needs. You communicate your thoughts and feelings without blame or judgment. You respect what each other has to say, and you make the time to talk to each other. We all need to learn this. Unless you had the great good fortune of having people around you who were good at communication, it is unlikely you have these skills. Workshops Classes are a great way to learn, and counseling with someone you like and trust can give you the tools you need to develop these skills. Even books can help a great deal. If your partner is not yet amenable to a class or counseling, go to the library or a book store and find a book that appeals to you. 1. Find a time when you and your partner are feeling good together. 2. Tell him all the things you love and appreciate about him and your relationship. 3. Tell him you are committed to upleveling your communication skills because you want your relationship to be the best it can be. 4. Ask if he wants the same. 5. Ask if you can share what you are learning with him. 6. Read the book yourself, and share with him parts that appeal to you that you think will make your communication better. Be sure to practice these things in your communication with him. Most of us have some bad communication habits. These prevent us from being heard. By being willing to learn and grow yourself, you are sending a powerful message to your partner. Be the best communicator you can be, and your partner will most likely follow suit. Changes sometimes take time to fulfill, but improvements in communication will reap big dividends. Good communication is a turn on! You can invite your partner to join you in this endeavor, but you cannot force him. Respect your partner's desires along these lines, but don't limit your own growth if he's not ready. To learn more about the Heartfields, please visit: 
http://www.talkinghearts.com/ http://www.divine-feminine.com
Joan, Tomas & Pono, their Angel Therapy dog
As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts on Romancing The Beloved, Talking Hearts, and Nurturing, Awakening and Healing Relationships. If you have questions for the Heartfields, please write. Your information will not be shared with anyone. If you want your thoughts posted anonymously, please say so. Peacefully yours, Tonja
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