Feminine Unity

Tonja’s Thoughts… May 23, 2010

As I observed my daughter’s interactions with her girlfriend who was preparing to marry this past Saturday, I began to ponder about the significance of being a bride. My daughter was one of her bridesmaids and they wore a pretty green halter style dress and matching green shoes. The bride wore a beautiful white dress with lacy and pearl embellishments on it. Her necklace was V shaped and filled with diamond like stones. She was smart to wear ballerina like shoes so she would be comfortable after being on her feet for hours. The wedding began at noon, but the bride and bridal party had to be at the church by 9:30am. Actually, the rain knocked her arrival time back to 10ish. The wedding planner, priest, guests, photographers, and wedding party were all in place to fulfill this bride’s dream. It was a very long Catholic ceremony that included lots of requests to stand and sit. I just thought of it as exercise, particularly squats. After the nuptials, a private trolley ushered the wedding party and me to the reception where dazzling decorations, delicious food, and entertaining music awaited us. Guests ate, drank, danced, mingled, and had a fun time, sharing a wonderful event with the newly married couple.

Observing the occasion and the bride made me think of my daughter and her friend from childhood. I also thought of many girls’ dreams of being a bride and some of the silly things girls do as they envision being a bride. My daughter told me about one classmate from junior high school who was obsessed with looking through bridal magazines and was always planning her wedding. At what age is it too young to begin to obsess about being a bride? I had dreams of marrying certain people because I had a crush on them, but I don’t remember obsessing about being a bride. It is very common for girls to dream of being a bride and of their wedding day. In my 40+ years, I do not believe I have heard tales of a boy or young man carrying on about being a groom or looking at tuxedos in magazines. I’m sure males want to get married, but it seems that the jubilation and anticipation of weddings is a passion that is embedded into the psyche of feminine spirits. This prompted me to write a poem that represents a feminine perspective of being a bride (see below).

My daughter is in her 20s and I think about her unforeseen wedding day more than she does. She is focused on earning her doctorate and MBA. I’m happy to say that her friend’s wedding and the engagement of another friend make her think about it a bit more. Of course, I’m standing by and raring to go whenever I need to spring into action as mother of the bride. I don't know why the thought of my daughter’s wedding is more exciting for me than thoughts of my own wedding. According to the Wedding Industry Statistics, there are 2.5 million weddings every year in the United States and the average age of the first time bride is 26. My daughter’s friend just turned 27, so she is in the average age range. I will continue to dream about my daughter falling into this average age range as a first time bride. 

If you can relate to my poem or if you have thoughts to share on bridal dreams or weddings, I would love to hear from you.

Bridal Dreams

by Tonja Dudley Bagwell

Little girls dream of being a bride.

They hang a scarf on their head like a veil,

pretend a long nightgown is a wedding

dress, hold a floral centerpiece, and hum

the Wedding March song as they walk down

the imaginary wedding aisle.

They wear a large ring from the candy machine

or the prize ring from the Cracker Jack box.

They dress their Barbie in a wedding dress

as their friend dresses Ken in his tuxedo

before the pretend wedding every Barbie has

with little girls who dream of being a bride.

My Barbie was liberal, so she married my cousin’s GI Joe.

Dreams, candy rings and play weddings are make-believe,

but little girls imagine a real wedding day as they flip

through bridal magazines to pick out their wedding dress.

Visions of a long white dress,

a soft white veil adorning her head,

a beautiful white diamond necklace glittering on her neck

with matching earrings dangling from her ears.

The imagination of little girls who wish for a boy/man

who can make her a bride on her wedding day.

He will buy her a beautiful diamond ring that

sparkles like stars in the galaxy.

She will grow up and make an invite list,

choose her Maid of Honor, Bridesmaids, and

the wedding dress that will make her look

as stunning as a Barbie doll.

The reality of a little girl’s dream coming true as

she carries a beautiful bouquet of flowers

and walk down the aisle in her wedding dress.

A long frilly train will sweep each rose petal

covered step of an elated bride on her wedding day.